i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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