i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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