there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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