I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
