u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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