my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm too high and old for this...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
