did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
