I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
