They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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