I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
