Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
