You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
