No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
