i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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