the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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