well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
