Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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