I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
