Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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