Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
