You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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