This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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