I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
