I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
