Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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