Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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