Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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