but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
