I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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