Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
