I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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