Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
