Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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