If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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