its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
