im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
