Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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