Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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