Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
