I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All the doctor said was why
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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