There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
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I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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