so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
