you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
