my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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