There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
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The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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