Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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