I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
