Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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