If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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