NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think I sprained my soul last night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
