I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
