Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
