Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
4 words: hood of his car
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
