I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
