Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
