Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
