Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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