well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
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