So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
