Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
