Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i think i just lost a toe
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
