I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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