i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You pole danced in your parka.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
