these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
