Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
