our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
pray to the hookup gods
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
